WHY HAVE THERE BEEN NO GREAT WOMEN CD APPOINTMENTS?

After the way that the news media has beat my ass this last year, I have become weary of paying attention to it at all, and have implemented safeguards to protect my peace. Since October of 2023, I have spent nearly every night going to sleep angry and waking up angry, like my phone’s blue light has some mystical mood-shifting power in addition to its evil ability to irreparably deregulate my REM cycle.

In an attempt to manage my intake, I’ve resorted to putting my phone in a drawer that is just out of arm's reach each night before bed. But when my anxiety-induced insomnia rears its hideous head due to the aforementioned consumption of perpetual bad news, I find myself all too willing to feed the beast. Wriggling over to the right side of the headboard and lighting up (...the screen but also hot take: bring smoking in bed back).

“CASEY CADWALLADER OUT AND MIGUEL FRIETAS IN AT MUGLER AS CREATIVE DIRECTOR” I read in all white caps on the blue tile by which the algorithm has unfortunately decided I will now exclusively receive fashion news.

Compared to the general atrocities being committed across the globe in the interest of imperialism and capitalism, I find relief in a headline about creative director musical chairs. I am losing sleep over shredded children, not which white man will fill what figurehead role at what fashion house. And the exercise of contending with the cognitive dissonance and emotional whiplash of scrolling between the two is exhausting. But still, I appreciate news like this. This I understand. This I can explain partially because it’s been explained to me before.